Christmas

Today's December 2 and I can feel that Christmas is really just around the corner. It's really a jumble mumble of emotions. Frankly speaking, I don't feel excited at all. As much as I would want this to be the best Christmas ever, the thought that this would be my mom's last before she migrates to the US always crosses my mind.

What have I done so far for the season? Bulk of it is for the office party which will be held on the 12th. As for the house, my mom and tita vhie bought 2 rubber lanterns. I have visited divisoria once to buy my mom's giveaways for her students. I haven't done new costing for The Goodie Cookie (prices of raw materials rose since last year). I haven't really bought gifts for my inaanaks and other kiddos. As for our good ole tree (which is as old as me), I haven't assembled it yet. My mom and I were discussing it yesterday in the kitchen. We share the same feelings of not having one this year... because it would be totally inconvenient for me for I have lots of things to think about when she leaves.

Another thing, my brother (from Japan) will be spending Christmas here. It's a good thing actually since spending the holidays together would'nt be as regular as it used to be. SO THIS HAS TO BE ONE OF THE BEST ONES EVER!!!

but the problem is that I just can't bring out the happiness in me... I can't fool myself... I'm sad... but I guess I'll have to live the moment as it is (while they're here!!!) then deal with the loneliness for some time (when they're not here anymore). and then move on....

I know the succeeding Christmases won't be the same anymore but there are people (like Leej's family) who're kind enough to offer to 'adopt' me during the holidays. Or maybe, I could go to the US ... or other options available for me. I guess the best way to deal with this whole new scenario -- is to deal with it with optimism.

*sigh*